Living in the Fire

My Baby is Coming

2008-06-10T13:30:00.000-04:00

This is my first facebook note and I assume it is much like a blog, so anyone who reads this may read the same on myspace and my blgspot-but no one reads those anyway.

I want to give everyone an update on how the pregnancy is going.
So far so good. Renee is going to be 17 weeks pregnant this week. We just went for a doctor's visit last week. The midwife started looking for the heartbeat and at first we did not hear anything, I will admit I got nervous and this feeling of dread came over me, but just as I got worried I heard the heartbeat of my child for the first time. Wow, what an experience to hear that. To those of you who do not have children, you will not understand what I am talking about till the day you hear it for yourself.

Renee has been feeling okay, she usually gets a little sick in the evenings, but the midwife said that it is perfectly normal and healthy. We are taking progressive pictures of her belly, but she told me if I posted them I would be a dead man.

We go back for another visit in just a few weeks, it will be the 5 month (20 week mark) at that time I will hopefully be able to report what the sex of the baby is. Yes we are finding out yes we are excited. Yes, I am nervous. I pray everyday that God will watch over and protect our little Jellybean (that is what my mom and dad call it) and that God would pit in it's heart now a desire to love and serve Him.

God has made us stewards of lots of things. In my sermon this past week I talked about how God made Adam and one of the first things he told Adam to do was "Get to work" tending the Garden of Eden. God wants to learn how to care for things because we are made in his image. By caring for things ourselves we comes to understand the heart of God because he cares so greatly for us. Whether it is a garden, a store, a job, a relationship, a parent, or a child. The way we care for things is a reflection of God in us.

I say this because I want my care for my family, whether my wife or my child to reflect the way God cares for us. I mess up and fall short-just this morning (4:30 am) Renee woke-up and wanted a massage. I tried -I really did, but I fell asleep in the process.

I pray that as I begin this journey of parenthood that God will give me the strength to become more like him in my love and care for my child. To help it to grow to love God and love others.

Confounded by Fast

2008-03-18T09:41:00.003-04:00

As some of you know I chose to give up sugar for the season of lent. Sweet sugary things like candy, cakes, cookies(kryptonite) soda, etc... anything with large amount of sugar or corn syrupy stuff. A daunting task I might say and started out great but it is drawing to an end in a very disappointing fashion. Primarily because I think I forgot why I am doing it.

I have not broken the sugar fast, even after my wife made chocolate peanut butter bars for the fine people that god to our Wallenpaupack church service. But still where I am I feel I have failed in a way.

My primary reason for starting this fast in the first place was to replace my desire for sweeties with a desire for God. And it started out great. When I would face the temptation I would turn to my God and seek him, dig into his word and devour it like I would a Shamrock Shake. But now I find myself in a much different place. Instead of seeking God in my times of temptation I seek solace in the fact that Easter is only four days away and I will be able to eat whatever is in front of me.

This is the beauty of grace.

My pious actions do not gauge my salvation. My fasting may be a good measure of devotion to God, but it will not get me to heaven. I could eat a chocolate bar today and God would not reject me. Because the fact is, I devour that which would kill me daily. I fall short, trip, stumble, fall, backslide...separate myself from God in my daily life.

But God reaches out, he has reached out through his son. There is no cosmic scale on which my sins are weighed with my good deeds. There is only grace. An undeserved forgiveness for the times I have fallen short. I don't know that i could ever fully realized the value of that forgiveness. But I know that a long time ago a God-Man died so that I might have life.

I'll carry my fast through, and by grace I can refocus and start again with a clear mind about the whole deal. Because grace allows me to start fresh every time.

Under the Cloud of Shame

2008-02-29T12:01:00.002-05:00

It's easy. It's easy when the only person that sees your sin is God. It's easy when you only have to confess to him. It is easy because you are not afraid that God will look down on you or look at you differently because of what he has seen you do. It all changes when you put a human face to the confession. Priests are easy because they can't really see you. They might be able to tell by your voice who you are, but by and large they may not be a part of your day to day.
I think this is why the epistle of James tells us
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."
God will forgive you.
A priest will tell you to go and sin no more.
An honest friend will make sure that you know the disappointment of God.
Today I was held accountable for sin in my life. The disappointment in his eyes was like looking into the eyes of God. But he also prayed for me, that I would be forgiven, something I myself had already prayed for. But there is still that shame that drives me toward conviction.
The more I confess, the more I will be convicted to change. The more I will be refined by the fires of the spirit of God within me.
James went on to say that the "Prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"
Shame hurts, it makes me physically ill, just as I feel right now. It makes me feel like I should go and justify my actions. But there is no justification for sin-only the truth-if continue it will lead to a further separation from God-and death. I was offered grace by my friend and by God-I am amazed at unconditional love, I am amazed by grace...

Wine

2008-02-14T10:05:00.001-05:00

In Mark 2:17-22, disciples of John and the Pharisees question Jesus’ action of not requiring his disciples to fast. Traditional Judaism required them only to fast on the Day of Atonement, but human tradition had won out and they fasted on a more regular basis.

Fasting was voluntary, but it was forbidden during a Jewish wedding feast because fasting is meant for times of penitence and reflection-weddings are joyous! Jesus responds to the criticism by telling the disciples of John and the Pharisees that they are actually participating in the messianic wedding feast (which the Pharisees believed in) at the present time.

At this time I feel like I just stepped into a scene from Westside story where the Jets and the Sharks are facing off. I guess if you put the 1^st Century twist on it. I can just see one side walking towards the other bent over, arms all snapping strategically and amazingly at the same time as they sing about the awful nature of one side’s lack of willingness to adhere to old traditions.

Jesus comes back with talk of old and new wineskins and how you cannot put new wine in the old wineskin because the old wineskin will break and you will ruin the new wine.

I think Jesus is trying to say that he is bringing a new word, obviously revolutionary. And because he brings something new, they need to put aside the old to focus on the new.

The question is, what is the wine, and what is the wine skin?

Jesus is saying that he is the new wine and the traditions of pharisaical Judaism are the old wineskin. What he brings to the table is not going to fit in with what they are used to. I think he is talking more about an ideology and heart action than physical actions and traditions.

The Pharisees based the Messiah’s return on their works and their ability to follow or not follow the law. So when you have the Messiah coming onto the scene, you no longer have any reason to be fasting with intent of Messianic reception. So their ideology did not match up with the teaching of Jesus. The new wine was ripping apart the old wine skin.

I don’t think that Jesus was downplaying the importance of fasting. He himself fasted at times. What he was doing was creating a new system for people to follow; one that did not rely on acts of piety but on acts of love.

Part of attending a wedding is showing your love and support for the couple getting married. They are making a commitment to God and to each other that they will remain committed. The reception afterwards is a continuation of the support. You cannot help but smile when you witness the love of a newly wed couple. Jesus wanted all eyes to be on him and what he was doing with his people. The bridegroom had come for the bride and he wanted his followers focused on him. Not on their past lives/lovers, but on their new life/lover that they had in him.

If we are honest with ourselves, the new wine of Jesus just won’t mix with the old wine or the old wine skin that we embraced away from Jesus. That’s part of dying, throwing of the old clothes so that we can put on new ones. Getting rid of the old way of viewing how our lives should be led and looking instead at how we should engage life in light of our new lover; in light of the new wineskin and new wine.

Leveled

2008-02-13T13:21:00.002-05:00

During lent I have decided to read the whole way throught the book of Mark, episode by episode. In today's episode we found Jesus calling the tax collector Levi to follow him. The social status of a tax collector was that of an adulterer, a thief someone you would not want to be associated with. Jesus, being the revolutionary that he was ate meals with Levi and people like him. Eating with someone is an expression of friendship.
Today collecting taxes is still not a pleasant job, but those who do so are not social outcasts, nor are their families shunned because of their job. Adulterers are no longer looked down upon the way they used to. This because of the "liberation of our culture." Doing what feels right etc... But there are new outcasts, alcoholics, bikers, those who sport various tattoos and piercings... I could go on.
Regardless of what is socially acceptable and unacceptable, Jesus leveled the playing field. He did not really differentiate the tax collector, prostitue, or body art lover. He had one classification for us all-sinner.
Sorry to be the downer in all of this, but Jesus really wanted us to know that though we are sinners, he is willing to spend time with us. Willing to recieve the dirty looks, gossip and verbal knives that go along with it.
I think that we should be willing to do all that too.

Memories of New Life

2007-10-10T06:07:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of my wife's alarm clock, which is really just the K-LOVE playing one of the top Christian hits of the day. The song was "Everlasting God." At the end of the song a child reads a passage of scripture from Isaiah 40:

The Lord is the everlasting God
Creator of the ends of the earth
He will not grow tired or weary
And his understanding no one can fathom
He gives strength to the weary
And power to the powerless
Even youths grow tired and weary
And young men stumble and fall
But those who hope in the Lord
Will renew their strength
They will soar on wings like eagles
They will run and not grow weary
They will walk and not be faint

When I woke hearing this, in honestly blindsided me. I could probably attribute part of it to the fact that it was 5:45 in the morning, but more so it created a flood of memories. In came this flood of thoughts of when I had first come to know the awesome power of God in my life. And what followed that was this intense desire to be close to God, this new feeling. I was so wonderful, like one feels when they first start a new relationship. All you see is the good things in this person, but as the relationship wears on it becomes familiar. And familiarity is not a bad thing, it is what it is. The people closest to me are the ones who I have become familiar with.
But isn't it true that sometimes, most times, when we become familiar with something we lose our passion to work at it?

This is where I am having some difficulty right now. Monday, Jim (Lead Pastor/Boss/Friend) asked us the question: "Why do we do what we do?"

Well I could list off a whole bunch of "Sunday School" answers for why we do what we do, but none of them would really be meaningful to my own persona of why I do what I do. And to answer that question honestly would take more than just words. Because that is what life has always been for me. A litany of words that define who I am supposed to be, who I want to be, but not necessarily who I am.

So I woke with this intense desire to be in a place that I was 6 years ago at this time. My spiritual life was much different then. All I wanted to do was soak up every word of teaching about God from anyone willing to teach it to me. I could not wait to be a missionary to my own people and to show them this newness that I had found. Now I just feel like I am getting burnt out. There is so much output of energy for others, yet I am not taking enough time in my life to "wait on the Lord."

And the words that woke me this morning totally blew me out of the water and made me want to be new again. Even youths grow tired and weary, young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength...

Renew my strength O God, make me new again...

Epic Heroism-Imaginary or Reality

2007-10-03T09:57:00.001-04:00

So I was recently granted permission by my most benevolent wife to purchase that which I have wanted since I was a freshman in college, a PS2. Now granted, they are on their way out, and there are probably better ways I should be spending our money.

Probably my favorite game is one called God of War. In it you play a warrior named Kratos who seeks the pardon of the Gods for the incredible and brutal war mongering he used to partake in. They agree to grant him this wish if he would do one thing-defeat the God of War Ares in his siege on Athens. So you embark on an Epic journey.

This is all very timely considering our church has begun a study on a book called Epic by John Eldridge. I also not understand why "gamers" become so addicted to these games. We have something in our DNA that makes us want to be heroic. To change the world in Epic proportions. When they begin to play this game it give them this sense of worth, like they are impacting and changing the world for the greater good. The only problem being is this...it is not reality.

The big question is, what would happen if these people took their motivation to be heroic out of the realm of games and into the world of reality. What if they became epically heroic to a child who has no decent role model; To a widow that needs some love? What if they took the drive to beat "one more level" and changed it to being an impact on one more soul.

Jesus Christ was heroic. Not only in his death, but also in his life. He calls each and everyone of his followers to be desperately heroic. To stand in the Epic tale we have been dropped into and to love as he loved. Love as if nothing else in the world matters, because it does not. Creating chain reactions that the world knows about.

How incredible it would be to see humanity take their imaginary heroism and turn it into reality...

Rainy morning in the Jeep

2007-09-27T09:45:00.000-04:00

I got out of bed this morning after my wife left for work. (She is a teacher) I turned on the PS2 because it is just fun. As I was sitting there I heard thunder, and thought nothing of it. Then it started to rain, but because I was engrossed in my game I did not register that the top to my Jeep was down and rain was pouring in.
I drove to work on a wet seat....